It's so cool in his pool
- Not to be confused with Teddy.
Sgt. Teddy is the sole survivor of the disaster 20 years ago wherein a prototype for the GameHyperCube went horribly wrong and transported the planet of Alcustrodisgust into a ten-dimensional world, where everyone was transformed into terrible message board fads when they self-destructed due to unsupported dimensions.
He survived because he was on another planet purchasing a quantity of glazed jelly-filled doughnuts, which are now known as a popular symbol of his past, and his suffering now that he is all alone. He searches for the sacred relic that will allow him to retrieve his world from the ten-dimensional realm and revive his people as they once were.
He later left due to lack of interest, and is now a regular member of the Gentleman's Gaming Lounge.